Tuesday, January 02, 2007

NFL Player Without Health Insurance Left to Die on Field

New York (AP) - In a stunning development, New York Giants special teams specialist Chad Morton died on the field on Sunday after a hit by a New Orleans Saints backup tight end. "I can't believe he would actually die from a sprained ankle," said team doctor Harris Trinsky. "But he didn't have his insurance card on him, so what could I do?" said Trinsky.

Earlier this fall, the Giants cancelled their team health insurance, instead choosing to let the government implement a universal health care plan. "The taxpayers of New Jersey are building us a new stadium, I don't see why they shouldn't be on the hook for our medical care," said team President John Mara. Experts have noted that if the Giants had been covered by a public health program, Morton would have had to wait five months for treatment, and would likely be misdiagnosed as having acute halitosis instead of a sprained ankle.

Morton's presence on the field became a distraction during a crucial fourth quarter drive, when the Saints' Reggie Bush was running for the end zone and tripped over his rotting corpse. Bush fumbled the ball, then had his limbs torn off by the vultures that had previously been feasting on Morton. The vultures were each penalized 15 yards apiece, and after the game one signed on to return punts for the Minnesota Vikings next year.

The Giants did begin giving their players a stipend for health savings accounts several months ago, but Morton spent his money on a Playstation 3 and the first three seasons of Silver Spoons on DVD.