Wednesday, December 06, 2006

News You Can Use

I've complained in past posts that 80% of local newscasts is now weather forecasts. At this point, you're just tuning in to the weather to see what the news is like. They go on and on about the dew point, relative humidity, barometric pressure, and other things you couldn't care less about.

So here's my suggestion to local meteorologists - if you're going to hog the newscast, at least give me information I can actually use. When it gets cold out, there's only one thing I need to know when I leave the house:

Am I going to need to wear a hat?

You see, whether to wear a hat or not to work is an important decision. When men get out of the shower, it takes a long time to do our hair to make it look like we didn't spend any time doing our hair. But when you throw a hat on a wet head, it makes you look like you combed your hair with a pork chop by the time you get to work. You may begin to notice people not sitting near you in the work cafeteria anymore.

So I propose the creation of the MHI (Messy Hair Index). Just figure out the proper temperature at which I need to throw on a lid, and let me know when the MHI is in play so I can plan for it. I need to know this about a hundred times more than I need to know whether there's a high pressure system hovering over Nebraska.

I'm issuing that challenge to you, Gary Cannalte. Are you man enough to accept?