Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Doyle Totally Busted Buying Justin Timberlake CD

Madison (AP) - In an explosive development that is likely to break the Wisconsin gubernatorial race wide open, investigators have begun looking into reports that Governor Jim Doyle actually purchased the new Justin Timberlake CD, "Future Sex/Love Sounds." When confronted by reporters immediately following the incident, a visibly shaken Doyle said only, "Um.... stem cells? Anyone?"

Doyle spokesman Anson Kaye immediately dismissed the incident, saying "Governor Doyle has long been an admirer of Mr. Timberlake's work, and he fully supports his initiative to bring sexy back." Recent economic reports show that sexy has been on the decline in Wisconsin, roughly since the introduction of the McGriddle breakfast sandwich.

Timberlake's work, popular among babysitters and imaginary unicorn riders, appears to have driven Doyle to some questionable behavior lately. "Yeah, he's really been acting totally weird - wearing headphones to cabinet meetings and spending his whole day in his office on MySpace," said campaign chair Marc Marotta. "Maybe he's just getting used to his new training bra," snickered Marotta, while covering his face and trying not to laugh. However, open records requests show that Marotta himself purchased the Timberlake CD a full month before Doyle.

In his campaign, Doyle has been making a conscious effort to reach out to young voters. In fact, he recently released a television ad in which he peforms the most awkward caucasian high-five in human recorded history, barely beating out the time blogger Dennis York found out sweater vests at Banana Republic were on sale.

Doyle's youth outreach strategy has earned him a 100% approval rating among voters under 14 years of age. His popularity has plummeted among his fraternity brothers, who actually all own the CD themselves, but are too ashamed to admit that it's actually pretty damn good. In an attempt to resurrect his indie cred, Doyle has been seen touting his prescription drug plan wearing a tattered Dead Milkmen t-shirt.