Tuesday, October 03, 2006

31 NFL Teams Take Their Phones Off the Hook

Both consistent readers of this blog are aware of my visceral contempt of Ahmad Carroll. It appears that I now will no longer have him to kick around anymore, as the Packers mercifully released him today. A stroll down memory lane from some of my posts over the past year and a half:

October 23, 2005:

1:43 – The Vikings are immediately on the move. Koren Robinson, three weeks out of alcohol rehab, catches a pass after receiving a lap dance from Ahmad Carroll, and tips Carroll 5 bucks. After the catch, play is halted, and Carroll is awarded a trophy for being “Worst Player on an NFL Roster.” Carroll accepts the award, and play resumes.

2:00 – Troy Williamson catches a pass for a first down on third and ten, after being “covered” by guess who? Ahmad Carroll.

2:02 – On the next play, Culpepper throws a touchdown to Marcus Robinson in the same spot of the end zone. I’ll give you one guess as to who was covering (or not covering, in this case) Robinson. That’s right. #1 draft pick Ahmad Carroll.

Remember the part of “The Muppets Take Manhattan” when Kermit gets run over by a car, gets amnesia, and thinks he’s a soap salesman? He shows up at work (named Phillip Phil) and comes up with terrible new slogans like “Ocean Breeze Soap – for people who don’t want to stink,” and “Ocean Breeze Soap – it’s like an ocean cruise, except there’s no boat, and you don’t actually go anywhere.”

It’s like Ahmad Carroll was hit in the head at some point, got amnesia, and now believes he is an NFL player. He just keeps showing up for work, and nobody wants to say anything in case it hurts his feelings. One of these days he’s going to get hit in the head again, regain consciousness, and return to filling the ketchup dispensers at Culver’s. 17-7 Packers.

August 13, 2006:

Somehow, Derrick Turnbow managed to make it out to San Diego and sneak into the game at cornerback for the Packers, wearing number 28. I actually thought about adding a picture of Ahmad Carroll to my "people who suck" post, but I thought it was too parochial. Imagine how prescient that would have been - although predicting Ahmad Carroll will give up a touchdown catch is like predicting Katie Couric will bomb at CBS.

August 28, 2006:

York: Ahmad Carroll defending...
York: Carson Palmer could be playing in a wheelchair, as long as he keeps throwing to Carroll's guy.
Lamas: At least Carroll didn't kick him in the groin.
York: Carroll is never close enough to anyone to kick them in the groin. He'd need 20 foot legs.

September 6, 2006:

That's 8 out of 25 players acquired via the draft that are on the active roster after three years. Of those 8, three are first-rounders: Nick Barnett, who is a quality linebacker; Aaron Rodgers, who has yet to play any meaningful downs; and Ahmad Carroll, who has proven that he has about as much business on a football field as I do performing open heart surgery.

September 18, 2006:

Game time is upon us, as the captains make their way to the middle of the field. I rhetorically ask what the hell Ahmad Carroll is doing out there with the team captains for the coin flip, then joke that that’ll be the closest he gets to a Saints player all afternoon...

Then, with about a minute left in the half, the Saints are driving again. Following a pass play, Ahmad Carroll drops to the ground in pain, causing the Packers to take a time out. After laying on the ground like he had been shot for two minutes, Carroll gets up…and then…stays… in the… game. I immediately stood up and started yelling in disbelief. Let’s see, if you’re the Saints, and you know there’s a terrible corner staying in the game after being injured on the previous play, what would you do? I was yelling “THEY’RE THROWING TO CARROLL’S GUY!” over and over, but sadly, Mike McCarthy didn’t hear me.Sure enough, with 56 seconds left in the half, Saints receiver Devery Henderson blew by Carroll and caught an easy touchdown pass.

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So how is it that it took Packer coaches three years to figure out what everyone already knew?