Saturday, September 16, 2006

A Slammin' Debate

Yes, I sat home with the remaining four Wisconsinites with no lives and watched the gubernatorial debate. Overall, I thought it was pretty much a wash, although Doyle bungled a couple of answers and his demeanor was a little off-putting. When answering some questions, he looked as if his children had been kidnapped by the teachers' union and he had to give the right answer to spring them free. And focusing your closing statement on ethanol while you're in Waukesha County? That's like spraying yourself with voter repellent.

Green, on the other hand, looked like he was auditioning for a high school rendition of "A Midsummer Night's Dream." Green is fantastic when looking into the camera and talking, but that's a lot different than being an actual actor (see his latest commercial for proof). I think he went over the top on a couple answers, but I thought that overall he did a better job of jabbing Doyle and innoculating himself against the Governor's shots.

Of course, both sides are going to say that their candidate won, as they do every time. I'm pretty tired of a charade, and thought of a better way we can do this to ACTUALLY figure out who won.

At the end of the debate, Frederica Freyberg hands out a WWF-style championship belt to the winner of the debate. That candidate then gets to wear the belt at all public functions until the next debate. For instance, after the belt was awarded to Green last night, he could hold it over his head while walking around the stage while the crowd applauded. Then, Doyle would run up behind him and hit him with a folding chair while the two candidates' wives started to pull each others' hair.

Doyle would then decide to be a villain and grow a dark beard, while wearing a Hulk-Hogan style black bandana to hide his baldness. At the next debate, everyone would boo him lustily as he pumped his fists in the air while telling them their property taxes aren't really that bad after all. At the next "We the People" forum, I demand that Stan Johnson of WEAC stands behind Doyle spreading out hundred dollar bills, a la "The Million Dollar Man" and Virgil (the greatest WWF prop to date).

And no, I'm not high. I think. I can't remember.