Thursday, August 17, 2006

Taking the Ladies for a "Spin"

As I was having a couple beers with one of my buddies the other night, a particularly pretty girl walked by our table. As she got closer, I noticed that she had a grisly scar on her arm, which prompted me to say, "I'd bet that's the kind of girlfriend you can get at the outlet mall, marked with an 'irregular' sticker."

He laughed and said that she may likely have suffered some hail or flood damage, which prompted me to come up with a revolutionary idea:

What men need is a Carfax for Girlfriends (Girlfax). It's easy - for $19.95 you type in her GIN (girlfriend identification number), and receive a full history - guys she's dated, length of her relationships, previous photos, etc. That way, you can have an accurate picture of the time and financial investment that you, as a prospective customer, are about to make in this girl.

It makes perfect sense - before you drop a couple thousand bones on a car, you want to know whether it was salvaged from Hurricane Katrina, right? Well, before you spend that kind of money on a girl, you want to see whether her tattooed ex-con boyfriend is going to give you a lead salad. It's crucial to know whether she's going to hit the three month expiration date and go completely crazy on you.

Trust me - getting a full picture of her history is more important than just tapping her bumper a few times.

Lest you deem this post unnecessarily crass, a friend pointed out that women thought of this first.