Thursday, August 10, 2006

Bucher Endorsed by National Society of People Who Suck

Milwaukee - Following a lively debate between Republican Attorney General candidates in which it was revealed that Paul Bucher sucks, a nationwide organization of sucky people has enthusiastically endorsed his candidacy.

For months it was believed by insiders that Bucher sucked, but opponent J.B. Van Hollen made the charge during today's debate. While Bucher steadfastly denied the accusation, he did it in a way that really sucked.

"We are proud to have Paul Bucher as a member of our group," said official sucky spokesman Terrell Owens. "We always knew Bucher had suck-ulent tendencies, but it's great of him to come out of the closet and embrace his true self," said Owens.

A review of Bucher's finance reports shows that three months ago, he received a $1,000 contribution from SuckPac, the league's donor arm. The contribution, however, was sent to Bucher in jars of pennies. "We suck - what else would you expect?" said Madison Channel 3 News Director Neil Heinen, before going on an incomprehensible and uninformed half hour rant.

Conversely, the National Organization of People Who Don't Suck withheld its endorsement for Van Hollen. "While we're leaning Van Hollen right now, he has shown the ability to suck on occasion," said Organization President Dwyane Wade. "We reserve endorsements for people who show excellence in not sucking," said Wade.

Following the heated debate, both candidates shook hands and agreed that Lindsay Lohan was hotter when she was fat.