Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Please, Please Endorse Jim Doyle!

In some elections, it's better to steer clear of some endorsements. If you're running in a Republican primary, you might want to call WEAC and make sure they don't endorse you, just as Dems might want to avoid having the pro-life groups rally to their defense.

In that spirit, I have found a group that I really, really hope endorses Jim Doyle for governor in the general election. So much so, that I have drafted a sample letter that someone may want to e-mail to the president of this group. For a little background on the Charity, Freedom, and Diversity party, click here, and cross your fingers waiting for that endorsement to come through.

An open letter:

Dear President Ad van den Berg:

I bring you great tidings from the United States of America. I hope this e-mail finds you in good spirits, hopefully after you just finished watching a "Home Alone" marathon.

I have found an American politician that I think your group can really get behind. His name is Jim Doyle, and he is the governor of a small little state called Wisconsin. You may know our state from the show "Happy Days." I think the The Charity, Freedom and Diversity party really has a kindred spirit in this wonderful elected official, and I urge you IN THE STRONGEST TERMS to endorse his candidacy. By doing so and donating large amounts of money to his campaign, it is virtually guaranteed that he will allow you to set up your own children's fun park, to the detriment of small businesses and Webelos in the state.

If your group is willing to reach out and touch something other than a seven year old boy, I encourage you to get involved in American elections. I see some real growth potential for your group here in Wisconsin. We encourage charity, we love our freedom, we are accepting of diversity, and we have a lot of swimming pools. I urge you to think beyond the extremely restrictive, draconian laws of Amsterdam, and think about Wisconsin as your next frontier.

I agree with you when you said that a ban on children having sex just makes them curious. I have noticed that our overbearing American laws that prevent citizens from sawing other people in half has made me more likely to do just that, just to see what it would be like. In fact, we in America had a specific law on the books barring anyone from having sexual contact with me until I was 30 years old. Apparently, every woman in the U.S. was aware of this little-known law, which contributed to my blindness for most of the 1990s.

I would also like you to know that I am the former U.S. Treasurer, and I wandered into $400 billion in unused American money that I need to transfer to the Netherlands. All I need is your bank account number and I will arrange for the funds to be sent to you.

Again, thank you for your vocal and unwavering support for Jim Doyle. You will be rewarded greatly for your endorsement, and I urge you to post the endorsement on your website as soon as possible so as many people as possible can see it. When you send money to the Doyle campaign, the checks must be a minimum of $100,000 per donor, and copies of the checks must be photocopied and sent to the Wisconsin State Journal, the sole arbiter in our state of what campaign activities are legal or not.

Stay Dutch,

Dennis York