Chvala Burrows Out of Prison With Rock Hammer
(Madison) A countywide manhunt is on in Dane County, as it has been learned that disgraced former Senate Majority Leader Chuck Chvala has burrowed his way through the wall of the Dane County Correctional facility to seek freedom.
It is believed that Chvala dug a hole through his wall and covered it up with a poster of Ed Garvey to conceal it from the guards. During his incarceration, Chvala always maintained his innocence, saying he believed it was actually "some Mexican" that actually was responsible for trading legislation for campaign contributions. However, Chvala claimed that at the time, he "never got a really good look at they guy."
"He was a cool guy," said fellow inmate "Pooter Jones." Jones recalled the day they were blacktopping the roof of the Risser Justice Center, when Chvala negotiated three beers each for each of his coworkers. In return, all Chvala asked for was a $100 contribution to the campaign of Senator Russ Decker from each of the inmates.
During his time in prison, Chvala cozied up to the prison warden, who took a liking to the ex-state senator because of his deft skill at laundering money.
It is believed that Chvala will be joined in Zihuatanejo, Mexico by his best friend in prison, State Senator Gary George. Together, they will move to the Virgin Islands and begin filming a local buddy cop show where they play Culver's restaurant security.
As a warning, police have issued the following artist's rendering of Chvala. If you see him, do not attempt to approach him, as me may attempt to try to extort money from you in exchange for more Seniorcare funding.