Monday, March 06, 2006

Iron Sheik Vows to Kill Ethanol Mandate



Iran (AP) - Internationally renowned wrestler The Iron Sheik today expressed disappointment in the Wisconsin Legislature for considering a new law mandating the use of ethanol in their gasoline. The Sheik vowed to reverse pile drive any legislator that votes for the bill, which would cut into his unstoppable worldwide oil monopoly.

Anyone who wants to reduce U.S. dependency on foreign oil will have to deal with my 24 inch pythons," said the Sheik, noting that he applied a sleeper hold to Governor Jim Doyle during his recent mideast visit. The Sheik lifted Doyle's limp arm twice, but on the third try, Doyle pointed and shook his finger in anger, breaking the hold and winning the admiration of the Lovely Elizabeth.

In related news, President George W. Bush today ordered the invasion of Iowa, when he found out there were large supplies of ethanol available. When questioned about the attack, Bush said that Iowa governor Tom Vilsack posed an immediate threat to the Midwestern region. Upon hearing the news, Illinois immediately turned over thousands of potentially toxic Michael Bolton records to the U.S. military.

Fortunately, no dentists were killed in the invasion, as there are none in Iowa.

The invasion was immediately denounced by the WWF UN, comprised of racist stereotypes such as Rowdy Roddy Piper of Scotland, Nickolai Volkoff of Russia, Tito Santana of Mexico, Abdullah the Butcher from the Sudan, and Mr. Fuji from Japan.

Following the interview, the Sheik passed along a check to give to Wisconsin senators Russ Decker and Judy Robson, as a portion of their profits.

Special thanks for the reader idea for this - awesome!