Sunday, December 04, 2005

Weekend Movie Notes

I watched the movie "Monster" with my wife on Saturday night. You know, it's the movie where Charlize Theron wears tons of makeup to get all uglied up to play the role of lesbian serial killing hooker Aileen Wuornos, gracious recipient of six death sentences in Florida.

The movie provides a conundrum so profound, I thought I'd mention it here. During the movie, she runs around killing guys who solicit her for sex. At one point, there's a scene where she's standing, naked looking at herself in the mirror. At first, you think it's no big deal, because she's kind of gross. But then, the wheels start to turn slowly in your head, and you begin to realize...those are Charlize Theron's boobs!

The problem is, by the time you put two and two together and start to imagine what the real Charlize Theron would look like wearing those boobs, the scene is over, and, tragically, you've completely missed out on Movie Nudity History. Therein lies the conflict - you could just let the scene go by and pretend nothing happened, or you could take a chance on going to the remote control for a replay. This is an extremely high risk option, as it could result in your wife jamming the remote up your left nostril, causing causing lasting brain damage.

See the problems men have to face? Don't let women say they have it rough - we have to make some brutal decisions.

On a more serious note, I would encourage everyone to rent the movie "Murderball," which is one of the best movies I've seen this year. Don't let the title fool you - if you aren't inspired by this movie, you have a heart of lead.

It's the story of the 2004 U.S. Paralympic Rugby team, and probably isn't for the kiddies. It pulls off the rare trick of on the one hand making you thankful for being able bodied, but it also shows what an exciting and fulfilling life quadraplegics can live for years and years. Throw in some patriotism and a great soundtrack, and you have a winning movie. I'm serious - I can't recommend it more emphatically. If you don't see it, the only conclusion I can draw is that you hate the handicapped.

UPDATE: A reader reminds me that Charlize Theron is naked in "The Devil's Advocate," a movie so bad I must have purged it from my memory.