Sunday, December 11, 2005

Single Men, Unite!

While it seems like an eternity since I have been any part of a singles "scene," I have noticed a disturbing trend in dating lately. I was perusing some of the blogs at MKEonline.com, and I was shocked at how many women now consider themselves "relationship" bloggers. Apparently, everyone now wants to be like that woman from the Sex in the City show (which I have never seen), and thinks they have something to offer to the collective knowledge base of the nation.

If you are a single guy looking for love and you happen to start dating one of these women, I have one tip for you...

RUN!

And never go back. Look, you and I both know that sometimes you turn your underwear inside out and wear it for another day. We both know in desperate situations you have picked your nose and wiped it under your car seat. That's fine. But when one of these women gets a hold of this information, people in Bangladesh will be reading about your shortcomings. Once you start dating a relationship blogger, your dirty laundry will be available for all to see.

Dating apparently has become more complex than it was in the old days (when I met my wife, nobody really had cell phones, and only drug dealers had pagers). Now when you meet someone, you should have an application with you at all times. STD test? Check. Crazy ex boyfriend? Check. Secret blog where you will expose my proclivity for sticking my tongue in a bag of movie popcorn to eat it while my hands are full? Check.

Fortunately, many of them are so inane, they can only draw a few readers a day. But all it takes is one person to get a hold of the web address and suddenly your most private insecurities are there for public consumption.

Many of these women start blogging because they suffer some huge event in their life and feel the need to burden everyone else with their story. Take wedding singer Bex for example, whose husband went off to fight for his country in Afghanistan. This, of course forced her into the arms of another man. Her husband's family found out, so the marriage just ended. It seems that all of her loved ones are doing the sensible thing and not talking to her. (Her story is told in three separate posts, The Beginning, The Middle, and The End. A must read).

Since she's done telling her story, she has now resorted to posting junk e-mails she gets (and renaming her blog from "I Walk Alone" to "Le Coeur De Bex" after the necklace from Titanic - apparently unaware of how unintentionally ironic that is). But she has now moved to a small town in Maine to start over. I can imagine being the lucky guy she starts dating first, not having any knowledge that everything he does is now going to be part of her blog. Shouldn't there be some kind of public warning for men that lets us know when female bloggers move to our city? Like a sex offender directory?

There is a plus side of all this online hormonal therapy: if you are a married male and you hit a rough patch in your marriage, look at the bright side. You could always be single and lured into Bex' dungeon of love.

Side note: Before I met my wife, the longest relationship I ever had was 3 months, and that was with the "Rewind" button on my VCR.