Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Beam Me Up, Bernie!

Nice post today by Jenna at "Right off the Shore" on the newly formed "Justice Party," which is the brain child of some nut job named Bernie Dalsey. I came to this story via the Capital Times, which reports:

Dalsey, a former Green and Libertarian candidate for state Assembly, has called the Federal Election Commission and the Wisconsin Elections Board to get authorization for the party name to appear on the ballots, if any candidates surface...

Dalsey is currently the only official party member, although he said several people he's spoken with agree with many of his stances.

Some of the ideas are extreme, including closing all overseas U.S. military bases, severely limiting special-interest dollars in political campaigning and eliminating all foreign aid.
Dalsey is targeting nonvoters as those most willing to follow the Justice Party.

Gee, nobody's ever thought of the whole "start your own party" shtick, have they? A couple thoughts:

1. How exactly is one crackpot forming his own party worthy of an article? Of course, this is the same paper that prints Matt Pommer's articles, so Bernie may make complete sense to the cognoscenti over there.

2. I talk to at least two people a week that agree with many of my stances. That means in any given week, I have doubled Bernie Dalsey's membership.

3. How on earth does someone run as both a Green Party member and a Libertarian? Does that perhaps indicate some confusion on Bernie's behalf? Would anybody be surprised if they saw Bernie Dalsey pouring thousand island dressing down his pants at the Pizza Hut salad bar?

4. Targeting nonvoters is a brilliant political strategy. "Let me see... in order to get elected, I should appeal to those people who are too lazy to vote." The whole idea that nonvoters are conscious objectors to the electoral process is absurd - 96% of nonvoters are sitting at home waiting to find out who the next baby daddy is on "Maury Povich." The other 4% are locked in Steven Avery's basement.

5. Another statistic - 77% of all third party members end up in the same house, wearing Nikes and breathing in the contents of suspicious balloons. The other 23% end up playing alien warlords in John Travolta movies.

6. Anybody who wastes the time of a poor government staffer that has to verify all these dopey election forms should have to pay the full cost of that staffer's time. Otherwise, I have to pay for it and I'm so poor, I can't pay attention.

7. There has never been a third party that didn't advocate for restrictions on election spending. While legitimate parties serve as efficient fundraising machines, Bernie Dalsey will have trouble buying T.V. ad time with a button from his jacket, his childhood collection of "Highlights" magazines, and a signed, glossy picture of Ernest Borgnine.

Funny side note: The Heaven's Gate movement is described as a a "destructive, doomsday cult centered in California" by a website called "Religious Tolerance.org." I'd hate to see what they say about religions they may not treat with such reverential tolerance.